Every day this week, I have chastised myself about sitting down and writing about our debt story, and every day this week, I have filled my time with errand running, baking, walking the dogs and cleaning the house. Basically, I have found every excuse in the book to not sit down and write.
Financially also, my husband and I have not made the time to look at or organize our finances, pay our bills and formulate a plan for the unpredictable weeks and months ahead. Fortunately, we have built some forgiveness into our finances by sitting down weekly, so missing a week will not financially harm us. The only fear is that we will slip into old habits of putting our blinders on and not making a plan for these unpredictable times.
Pondering the situation, I finally understood what has been driving my need for busyness this week and avoidance of progressive work. I feel scattered, completely and totally lost in the unpredictable nature of this historical time. The not knowing what each day or even what the week holds leaves me drifting from mindless task to mindless task.
Let’s Be Friends
So, I’ve decided to make friends with scattered and give myself some space and time to gather myself together. Instead of hiding in baking, cleaning, errand running and walking, I am consciously choosing to do those tasks in which routine and mindlessness brings comfort and with permission to befriend my scattered self comes the desire to bring some structure back into this unpredictable world. This starts with a desire to keep it real regarding our finances and to update you on the current financial effects of COVID-19 for our family.
This week’s financial effects have been largely income related. My own work has been slashed in half. Suddenly, I find myself with 20 hours of time that I used to long for, and I’m now lost in. I have the first weekend in years where I will not be working, and the thought of it is both exhilarating and terrifying. For my husband, there is unpredictability in his work, but he is still working
Gratitude though permeates my scattered brain and translates into action. My husband discussed with me passing down shifts to junior employees who were not getting as much work as him. In the past, our financial situation would have made us not even consider this option because we had to take care of our own over-stretched financial commitments. How appreciative and privileged do I feel to be able to support him in sharing those shifts so we can all help take care of each other. This in itself makes me realize that the road to financial independence is not only about freedom for ourselves, but the opportunity to make decisions not based in fear.
Following publishing of this blog post, I will be making a list of things I want to accomplish with my free time including baking, walking, cleaning and errand running, but also incorporating creating a financial plan with my husband (as much as we can) and writing my blog. The time for scattered is slowly ending, and it’s time to get back to a plan even if involves reading a good book all afternoon or indulging in Netflix. A plan for laziness is still a plan!
Until then, here is a link to a delicious vegan banana muffin recipe that I discovered this week so that I could make my daughter a treat.