Day 37 – Coffee and Shame

Last week I had a coffee date with some well-loved friends who I had not seen in a while.  As usual, we talked, shared and enjoyed our conversation generally; however, on leaving the coffee shop and returning to my car, I felt depleted and disappointed in myself for letting my mouth run ahead of my brain once again.

I’m not sure if my friends would have noted my self-perceived conversation foibles…I really hope not, but regardless, I was aware of them and that was enough.

I don’t know if it’s just part of my introverted, anxious personality or if others have the same challenges in their chats (my research would suggest I’m not alone).  In any case though, a few days later still feeling the heaviness, I took some time to digest my visit and make a list of things I felt which led to this feeling of discomfort.  As a quick list, I pin pointed three problematic areas in my exchanges. There were probably more, but these were the first three that leaped to attention.

  1. Not being okay with silence.
  2. Talking about others.
  3. Unsolicited advice.

Ugh!  Even typing this list up, I feel more ashamed.  I need duct tape!

It is my belief that we all have a core of our being that is the best version of ourselves.  When we move away through our words and actions from our true essence, we feel negative feelings.  It’s our spirit’s way of letting us know we have wandered off course.

Well, wander I did, and I had a whole lot of mental work to do.  I decided to go to my trusty internet friend for advice (Google is my psychiatrist and medical doctor), address each issue separately and add a few tools to the toolbox for the next visit.

What I discovered is that each of these problematic areas is a blog post in itself, so stay tuned, tomorrow I talk about silence……….I want to fill it already.

 

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