Breakfast – The Most Important Meal of the Day

Since hitting my 40s and finding myself with a little more free time away from the responsibilities of “child raising” (Or should it be “parent raising?”  I feel that is the more appropriate term.  They’re still the same people they were when they were little, have attitude, a little gross and sweet, but I certainly am not.  I have less temper tantrums and now put away my toys…. I digress), I find myself now setting up playdates with other women.  This process usually takes the form of coffee, lunch or my favorite…breakfast.  I find nothing gives you an opportunity to assess the possibilities of a new friendship like finding out what they’ll order for breakfast.

Here’s my thinking….

Egg white vegetable omelet – Very conscious about food choices.  Physically active.  Translation: Always be wary when said individual asks if you want to do something fun…could be a 10-mile hike.  Not likely to be asking you out for ice cream.  They will keep me humble.

Vegan anything – Loves animals.  Socially conscious.  Translation:  High-maintenance friendship.  Can’t just call on the spur of the moment and say, “let’s do lunch.”  Must be willing to call them three days before said playdate to properly prep and research vegan options at restaurants.  Their personality makes it totally worth it.

Early-bird breakfast – Financially responsible.  Coupon clipper.  Thrift store shopper.  Translation:  Does not do Tupperware parties, raffle tickets or cash donations, but will always be there with hands-on help. 

Eggs, bacon and gluten-free bread – Bowel issues. Translation:  Minimal boundaries.  I can feel free to discuss bathroom habits and abdominal cramping without shame.  I can get real.

Eggs benedict – Lives in the moment.  Loves butter.  Translation: Kindred spirit. Will do ice cream.

After creating my breakfast friendship-judging formulation, I had the opportunity to take it for a little test run.  A new friend invited me to do breakfast, and you know what she ordered,

Chicken strips and waffles!

This friendship is way out of my league.  I’m not sure I can keep up with her.

Photo by Miguel Dominguez on Unsplash

Note: I do not in all seriousness judge any of my relationships based on breakfast.  This kind of shallowness is the antithesis to everything I believe in…

The important thing to consider is do they have a dog.

Dance with Reliability

I’ve had a dance with reliability ongoing my whole life. This has not been a beautiful graceful dance, but rather a dominant partner whisking their victim around in endless circles. Sometimes, I have been in the lead and other times I’ve been taken for a ride, but nevertheless, we have been partners.

My own definition of reliability pertains to relationships, particularly friendships in my life. I’ve had big issues with friends who cancel appointments repeatedly and use words like “flow with life.” When they say “flow,” I hear “you’re not a priority.”

For a period, I thought something was wrong with me. Why was I so darn sensitive and needy? Why was I so bothered by “flowing.” In essence, flowing is a beautiful thing. It’s being mindful, isn’t it? Did I have so little in my life that I needed to be upset by these frequent perceived rejections?

Then for another period, I felt that something was wrong with them. Were they so wishy washy that they couldn’t commit? If you were going to be this type of friend, then I needed to cut you from my life. Only reliable friends need apply here. My armor went up.

Cut is such an ugly word. It’s a word that makes me feel powerful, but really keeps me small. Cancer needs to be cut out. Harmful relationships need be cut out. Relationships that challenge me to grow are a part of my spiritual journey.

At the age of 44, I am now tired of playing these mental games with myself, and I am definitely done with apologizing for my “defects” or perceiving others to be defected. Leaning in towards acceptance, I understand that I require reliability to have a trusting relationship. Those people are a part of my inner circle, and I am so grateful for them. My friends who flow I celebrate that they are following their authenticity and have set boundaries (limits that create healthy mental, emotional and physical energy) that honor us both. They are my “don’t life so seriously” reminders.

The dance with reliability is much more beautiful now, graceful and allowing, What a lovely things to be able to let all that negative energy go.

unsplash-logoJulia Caesar